So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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