No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Randomize
