i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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