3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
i think i just lost a toe