Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall