I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!