well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
