I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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