So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
