Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
