I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
