I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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