It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
