OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
