jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
