i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
