My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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