My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
