Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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