you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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