I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
