i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
