dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
