One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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