I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
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You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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