Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
