I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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