Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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