Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
