I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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