she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
