At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
