He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
