All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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