last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
