Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
