with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
