hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
