Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
