We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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