I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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