Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
