Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
