i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
