So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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