whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
