So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
