we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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