I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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