Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
