Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
We need a shit load of segways right now
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Randomize
