I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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