if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
