every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up