I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.