I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.