Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary