Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
