Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!