something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.