We named our party play list daddy issues
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.