I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.