Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face