"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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