I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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