eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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