Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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