fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
