Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
