Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
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WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
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we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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