before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
