I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I don't think brook has ever known best
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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