So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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