This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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