Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
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