Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
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I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
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After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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